The moment the baby arrived home, our 4-year-old was given a new role in the family: the elder boy. New expectations are now on him.  More often than before, we talk to him about being responsible, being helpful and being careful around the baby, and less about his favourite toys or programmes .

One afternoon, while walking home from his kindergarten, this “elder boy” gave an unexpected response to a moving vehicle that was reversing down the lane towards our gate. A phenomena that he has seen thousands of time. He acted frightened and broke into a hysterical cry. No other ways to comfort him except to rest his sobbing head on my shoulder and let the tears run. After all, when his baby brother is feeling distressed, do I not hold him tight and let him cry? Only a few months ago, this “elder boy” himself was treated like a baby at home. Is it surprising to see him trying to cling onto a small part of his babyhood, when the circumstance permits?

The prospect of having a younger brother to follow his lead and idolize him in every way, no doubt, looked attractive in his imagination. However, the reality of letting go of his position as the centre of our attention, and the reality of embracing the new expectations and responsibilities is not always easy or fun for a 4-year-old boy.

And yet, we have seen our eldest son blossom in his confidence at home and in school. He has become more eager to take age-appropriate challenges, more concerned about others’ needs, and more motivated to figure out a solution with his own resources. This phrase “I know how to do it. It just takes time” has recently become his favourite saying. Our boy is indeed growing up, and he is learning to be a great brother, one whose younger brother will always look up to and adore. (He sings to his baby brother when he cries. How adorable is that!)

A few things that I have found to be helpful in preparing for a younger sibling:
1. We constantly read stories about sibling relationships, which open up opportunities for questions and sharing of feeling. Peppa Pig and the Charlie and Lola series are the popular choices in our household.

2. We got him a top with the words “NO. 1 BRO” on it. He subsequently calls his younger brother “the No. 2 Bro”.

3. Common sense applies. We got his own room and his bedtime routine sorted prior to the baby’s arrival. As an ongoing project, we put aside his outgrown clothes and toys for the baby at a later stage. Whenever the baby is ready for one of these old items, we share some of the old-time stories – “when you were at his age, …”.

4. We informed his kindergarten teachers so they could be sensitive to his emotion. Their positive attitude and support towards his new role in the family helped to address the initial jealousy and confusion about the change.

5. Although challenging at times, we take turns to do big-boy stuff with our eldest son as often as possible. He has become more aware of his own abilities and skills, which need to be nurtured in a time and space when our attention is not being divided by the baby’s own needs. Yes, this is indeed challenging, but so important!